Can you hear me now?

How do we know when someone is truly listening to us? How do we know they understand or are just humoring us? Lately I have been trying to answer that question.

Upon that quest I have also noticed a way to tell how much if any respect a person has for those they are communicating with. Think about it, when you attend church, listen to the president, or hear a lecture, a majority of the time people are silent and seldom talk over the person speaking. Now look at your co-workers and those in your social circle. Why do we not talk over our pastors, Bishops and other speakers but yet there are some friends we talk over as if they are not even in the conversation.

Now some will say that it’s not “respect” but just a lack of manners when talking over others. But is it really? Doesn’t respect for others fall under the manners category? Isn’t it good manners to listen to what the person you are talking to has to say? To me, by talking over people you are immediately discounting what they have to say and asserting your opinion over theirs. In most cases by talking over someone you have caused further communication issues that would have never existed if you had listened in the first place. Another result of not listening is the absence of pertinent information that is retained. Maybe they appear to be listening to you but are actively planning out in their mind how to get that last glazed doughnut.

Try it out, talk to someone and see if you truly have felt a two way conversation there. If the person talks over you constantly then there’s a good possibility you are not high on their priority list or they just think that you have no idea of what you are talking about. Another test you can try out is, see if your friend has to have the information you shared repeated many times. The cause of that is probably a lack of focus on what you are saying, planning the next lunch break, or daydreaming about the upcoming weekend.